“I know what you mean,” she said. “That’s exactly what happened to me just
a little while ago.” She started to paint her fingernails. “Now, how do
I explain my situation to you?” She asked.
“Well,” I began, “first of all, you don’t have to explain anything. I
just want to know how you feel.”
“Okay,” she said. “This is my life now. I was going to wait until I could
get my degree and then do something with my life. When I went to college, I
met this boy who would change my life forever. We would be together for the
rest of our lives. We would travel the world. We would make it a point to go
to Disney World every single year. We would get engaged. We wanted it all.
This guy I met was an amazing guy. We talked all night and at the end of the
night, we said nothing. He promised to come to Disney World with me. He asked
me to marry him and at the time, I thought he was going to be serious. We
would have the kids and live happily ever after.
Three days before we were going to go to Disney World, my mom died. My uncle
was sick that night and I had to sleep and work a double shift at the diner.
My dad had to spend the holiday with my mom’s people, which is not his
usual custom. The night was a very bad one. I was not myself. This was the
worst night of my life. I slept through the morning after the wedding. I
slept through Christmas and New Years; I just didn’t want to do anything. I
was terrified he would think I was a coward. That is the way he saw me. I
felt like I had done nothing. That is not what I wanted or wanted to do. This
was not what I wanted from my life. Something happened during a daydream. I
woke up and this thing covered my chest and I was being chased. That is how
I felt. I was terrified. I felt like getting out of this thing and running
away would be impossible. I was running to get away from this thing and that
is where I woke up.
“When exactly did this happen? Was it two nights ago or yesterday?” I asked.
“Yesterday,” she said. “I was on the couch and it woke me up. It was very
terrifying. I didn’t think I was going to survive this ordeal. I started to
run and I couldn’t do it, so I ran to the bathroom. That is when it woke me.
My head felt like it had been crushed. The next day, I went to the doctor. He
said it was a panic attack. It was a combination of fear and anxiety. He said
I could deal with it. I would be okay.”
“I feel I am going to be okay,” I said.
“Of course, you will be. You have something to go to. You have a family now.
Your cousin and your mom’s family will be there for you. You will be
“How are you able to have all that in the hospital?” I asked. “I don’t know
what my family is like and I haven’t spoken to my uncle in so long. I’m just
worried and he’s out of town.”
“You will be,” she said. “Your uncle will be at your side. You will have a
“I can’t imagine being in a place where I don’t have my family,” I said.
“I don’t know how people even function in this situation. I don’t know what
“You will,” she said. “You will come back here and I will be right here. I
will be here for you. You will find your family.”
I can’t figure it out. What happened to me? It was out of the blue. I was
in a hospital and I woke up and this thing was on me. How do you explain
something like that? I had never been sick in my life. I had never felt
anything like this before. I have never felt fear like this before. I feel
this is a very unique experience. It is not like I have ever felt fear or
pain or anything like this before. I have not seen anything like this in my
What I did not know, is that Angie was there to help me. She was my constant
support. She would sit down with me every day and talk about little things in
my life. They were things like how she had to wake up at 4:00 a.m. to make
lunch, how she had to deal with my mom’s illness, how she had to get her
hair done three times a week, and how she had to keep up with everything
while raising my two little boys. She was just there to be my friend and to
give me strength.
I remember talking to my mom on the phone while she was in the hospital and
she told me she was going to be fine. She was very tired and needed time
to rest. She told me she was going to miss me and she would have me over for
a little visit soon. I was not completely okay with this, but she just said
that I had been getting better and things were looking better. I knew I would
be visiting her soon. I just didn’t know when.
My uncle had to go to Orlando with my mom in a few days. We had to let them
go and they left for Orlando. I had to go to work and I had to deal with my
own life. I was just trying to forget about her.