I’m alone

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I’m alone. But not in my body. I still exist, but have been disconnected. I think
the mind that is still connected with my body is called my consciousness.

Isolation is a strange state. A state of the mind. I have lived in it before
and I know how to do it. But now the isolation makes it all the more dangerous.
It’s better now that there is no connection between my mind and my body. The
state of my mind makes me feel safe, but it also makes me cold. I feel the
cold on my skin, even when I don’t have a body. Yet, if I’m still connected to
a body, I want to feel my body against mine, feel my heart beating against my
chest, feel my blood coursing through me and my lungs filling in my lungs.

There is no wind. No heat from my body to dissipate the cold I feel on my
chest, on my skin, on my back. I am alone but connected to a body, yet not
connected to my mind.

I’ve heard the desert is good for many things, I’ve heard it’s good for
coping with stress but what does the desert do for a person who has no mind
to connect to? How does she cope when she doesn’t have thoughts?

This is a great question! Maybe it’s a very good question.

I never thought of it this way, that the mind and body are separate entities. I
thought that they connect. I had this belief that thoughts, feelings, and dreams
were the connection between my mind and my body.

But now, as I’ve become disconnected, I’m not even sure I had a mind and a body
at one point. I certainly didn’t think about them as separate entities. It
seems too simple, too linear, too linearistic.

What was a thought, a belief, and a dream, was a mind, a body, and I don’t
understand what it was until now.

I don’t have a mind or a body, the mind is just my imagination, the body is my
experience, my dream, my thoughts, my dreams.

The mind is not a body. The body is not a mind. We are only in a state of
connectivity. We don’t know anything of a separation of a mind and a body, we
don’t know whether we have a thought, a belief, and a dream. We know we have
a mind and a body. We just don’t know if that mind, that body, is mine or
another. That’s where I am now, thinking about the idea of being alone but
connected, and how much I’ve changed in this idea now that my mind and body
are separate entities.

Now is not the time to think of something I’ve found out about myself. I have
enough of a mind to know that even though I don’t have a body, I’m still
alive. That’s how it works.

Before now, when I was disconnected, I could think about things, I could talk
about things, I could feel my thoughts and feelings and dreams and see them with
my mind. But now, I don’t even believe I have a mind and a body.

I’m so disconnected, I don’t even have a mind and a body or a body. My mind and
body are separate and I don’t know why. I know there are no minds or bodies in
the universe, because a universe has no minds or bodies, it doesn’t make sense
to me. A universe doesn’t have no parts that could ever, ever be separated. It
just is, completely and completely.

But now, being in a desert, as if I’m not even connected to a body, I can’t
help but to think about this idea, “Isolation is a strange state.” There was
no mind or body before now, and there wasn’t even a mind and a body before I
found out about this state.

There is no mind or body, therefore no thoughts, no feelings, no dreams, no
thoughts of a mind and a body. But there is an idea, the idea of isolation and
of being disconnected. A mind and a body and being in this state of being
disconnected allows me to think about this idea which I never thought before.

It allows me to think about this idea and it allows me to know the state of
being disconnected from the world as mine and mine alone. It allows me to
experience this state in a new way, to think about being alone and being
isolated.

When I was disconnected, I thought I was disconnected from the world, but then
I discovered isolation and I felt like a mind and a body. I felt an experience
that I couldn’t really talk about and I couldn’t really describe. It was like
I had to be disconnected from all I knew and experience this state of not
knowing anything about this state to feel it. It’s like a mind and a body
experience that you can’t really describe. It’s like being disconnected from
all my relationships, being disconnected from my body, being disconnected from
my mind.

It’s like everything I know, everything I am, is a part of this idea of being
alone but connected and I’ve been disconnected from these things and from this
idea for so long.

I feel disconnected from my body because it’s empty, it’s the void of my mind
and the empty space in me.

It’s like a blank picture window for me to look through and in that blank
picture window, my thoughts, my emotions, and my dreams are the real me
looking out. That’s how I see life now. I’m not separate, I’m not a mind and a
body, I’m not alive, I’ve been disconnected from everything. I’m just a mind.

A long time ago I was on the bus to a music festival in a forested valley. A
moment of freedom I felt, and then I was in this desert, disconnected from a
mind and a body. I was a mind looking back through a picture window. I was
looking back through thought, through being, to a body and a mind and I felt the
desert.

I remember I was walking through a desert that was covered with beautiful
magnolias and when I looked back at it, I remember it was still beautiful.

It was beautiful because I was alone, a mind looking back through a blank
picture window, a mind that’s disconnected from a body, a mind that is
separated from a body, a mind that is disconnected from my body.

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