It was the last time I would see my father

on

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I had spent the last few minutes of my life watching my father. With the
exception of one person I didn’t know, he was the only person in this hell.
But when he had seen me, he had seemed to recognize me, and his smile had been
wonderful. He had looked straight into my eyes as he walked slowly up to me.

“I know you don’t remember me, but I am your father” he said. I couldn’t hear
the coldness in his voice, nor could I feel it. It was just another emotion I
didn’t understand. I couldn’t see the expression on his face, but it was clear
I was his child. He had the same eyes as my mother, eyes that seemed to be so
large and dark. They were like a stormy ocean at sea, yet the slightest breeze
could easily rip them from your face. They seemed to be of the same size and
height. I was almost overwhelmed when he reached for my hand and gave it a
smooth, firm squeeze. I think he knew. I think he knew that I would be his
only child. But I could feel his coldness on my hand and I had seen it in my
own eyes, so I knew my father would never hold me again.

“You have no memories of us” he said as he placed his hand over mine. “That
was why I couldn’t do this before, because nothing would ever be able to
replace what you have lost, but now I can”

He was right. Everything would be able to replace what I had lost, but my
soul, my soul, my spirit, it was gone, and this place, this building, would never
be able to fill it. He was still smiling at me, and he knew I would never
regain my lost self. “My daughter” he said, his voice full of regret. “I want
you to remember me in all your memories.” I had almost started to shake, and
when he took my face in his hands, I finally started crying. He took a step
back and looked down at me, his eyes were so warm, so happy. They reminded me
of my mother’s eyes. I’d never felt anything like it before. I wanted to be
his. I wanted it so so so much and all I wanted to do was to be with him. Just
a moment after my father had said goodbye, I heard his words. “I know you
haven’t seen him since then” his words were filled with sadness as his eyes
watched me. “But I am here now, as your father, and I will always be as he is
now, you will never forget him.” It was a simple sentiment that was easy to
understand. I watched as he took my small hand and turned to the corner of this
building, and then we sat down together on the ground. I watched as he looked
down at my face; I didn’t want to make eye contact. His smile was still there
as he took a moment to look at my eyes, and then he took my hand.

“This is your world, I cannot be with you anymore, but know that I am going to
be by your side until your world is no more, and I am here to remind you that
you have people who love you even when you can’t even see them. I am your
sister. You are my son, and I will always be by your side”. We sat quietly in
that corner, and I started to cry again. This man who wanted nothing more
than to be with was my father. For a moment I wished I was him, even just a
little. This man, who had been through the pain of death with me, had reached
out and was offering to be with me. I had forgotten the pain my father had
seen. I forgot that he would never hold me again, but as his son, I would
always know him, and I would always be there.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

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