She was not the girl she used to be, she was not the girl who lived, she
was not the girl who had a boyfriend or two and did homework and ate cake. She
had been the girl who was never going to graduate high school, because she was
not smart enough and never thought beyond the next grade. She had been the
girl who was a straight A student, who was going to go to college, but couldn’t
afford it, because she didn’t have any money and couldn’t get a job and was
too much of a liability.
She was the girl who was going to stay on campus and sit in the library
classifying the students who had died in the past year, and then write a paper
about them. She was the girl who would live in a cramped basement apartment and
do her homework for seven hours a day over and over again in the hopes that it
would someday not seem so insurmountable.
Yet, standing there now, she was not one of these pathetic failures. This
girl was a warrior, a warrior who had won an incredible victory in the real world.
She was a warrior who had been sent to the underworld to die, and instead had
been sent to the afterlife to become a goddess.
The darkness inside her had no way of knowing what was real and was
finally at a loss, for she had not lived for the years she had been in
residence at this mansion; and it was not until this moment today that she
wanted to live for the years she had been out in the world, making friends,
living in college dorms, going to shows, having lovers, and having children.
A million things filled her mind, all of them glorious and wonderful, but
one of them was the fear that she was still too human, and not just in the
mind, but in the body. Every night, she would wake up and feel like she was
fucking a robot. Her skin still wasn’t soft, but it was not cold anymore either.
Her hair still felt like she was being jerked around the world by a big old
bunny-hugger, and the smell of her used to be almost unbearable.
Jo had been a human being until now. In this life, she had been a hero. In
this life, she would be known for her courage and her tenacity and her bravery
to be one of the brave girls who are willing to stand up to evil.
“Are you OK?” a voice asked in her thoughts, a voice that felt like it
was right back at her from the past. She looked up to see one of the most
beautiful, confident and beautiful girls she had ever seen standing in an
unusual doorway to the great unknown. She was wearing a red and black striped
spandex dress and a matching short jacket for her short brown hair.
Jo stood dumbfounded for a very few moments, and then realized that this
girl was smiling down at her with such an amazing serenity that it had brought
her up short, because she knew at a moment like this, you would have to either
blush or run away, but she wanted to smile, so she did.
“I can breathe now, thank you,” she finally said in the first real
greeting she had spoken since they had met, and the only one that ever existed
for her. It was the first of many that she would share with this beautiful girl,
with so many other glorious moments.
“Oh…this is…” she was stuttering and was too stunned to speak further,
and Jo just stared as the dark girl smiled at her. “I wanted to meet you.”
Her voice was soft. “I wanted to thank you.”
An overwhelming sense of warmth and acceptance washed over her, and she
could feel her chest expand in a beautiful breath of air and then expand again.
“I want you to know that if you ever need anything here, you know where to
go,” Jo said as she took a step towards this magnificent soul of a girl and
moved towards her. “I know you have more than enough to do, but if you ever
want to come back here, just come. Maybe we can be friends?” Her voice was
soft and musical and dreamy.
Jo just stared at her for a moment, until finally she nodded as if she
had gotten this incredible gift. The blonde girl just shrugged and smiled as
if she understood. Then in a beautiful voice which echoed all the way down to
the depths of the earth, she said:
“I never knew you could do that.”
Jo smiled at her. “I don’t know why I thought that.”
Jo nodded, and they stood there for a few minutes before finally walking
away, leaving the world a much happier place.
I could never be a
part of this dream team! I just don’t agree with the game plan! I don’t
like the way things work out and I don’t see the point of all this! They won’t
even listen to me! I just don’t see what’s happening, I don’t have anything to
offer you, I don’t understand you, I don’t what you really want, I don’t know
what you can do, I don’t really understand what it’s all about! I just don’t
Jo shrugged. “I know how everyone feels,” Jo said.
Sighing, Jo pulled the
mirror to the door to return it to her dorm. She knew she might never see
Bongo again, and she didn’t really want to think about what he was doing, but
she had to wonder what she was willing to sacrifice, and in turn she had to ask
The game was not going according to plan. The game that was supposed
to help them win was not working. They were not winning.
That’s when she realized that she had not changed at all since first
finding out that Bongo had been cheating in college. Or maybe it wasn’t
cheating. Maybe she was just too scared to admit that he was.
Maybe it was guilt.
Maybe she didn’t even care, because her actions had done more damage
than anyone could ever do. Her life as it had been was one of torment and
misery, and she had been there every step of the way. When Bongo cheated and
took the credit for her thesis, she had not complained because she had hoped
that somehow, just maybe he had been able to work it out, but she knew in her
heart that wasn’t possible anymore.
Not only had he won, but the only way to win was for her to lose so now
the game was out of her hands.
twitched as she turned around to look for the source of this new and surprising
announcement…and she saw her mother.
Jo’s mother ran to her; a smile on her face, and holding a large piece of
fancy jewelry in her hand. She was smiling at her daughter, and it made Jo
want to smile back.