As I drove home, I felt guilty that my life could be so empty. I felt like a
drunk who had lost his best friend and didn’t know how to find him. Yet I
still had a job as an administrative assistant for a large construction firm.
I was taking online classes to have my degree and felt like everything was
missing as a way to fill my days. I had a close friend who was a social
worker who suggested we get married and just be one. She knew all about the
struggles of dating because of her experience. She believed that if we could
be on one-another’s level, our love would be strong enough to overcome all
those barriers. I wasn’t ready to marry anybody, but I wanted to be happy. We
went to a small chapel near my house, called Christ Church, and prayed for
I had known Roger for over a year at this point. I found out he came from a
poor family. His father died when Roger was just 13 years old. I began to
realize Roger could be a great father. I began to think that maybe if we get
married, some of my insecurities would go away. As we began our courtship,
he had said he wanted to marry because he was tired of going to his father
and asking for money. I didn’t know that Roger had been asking his father
earlier than I realized. His father told him he could never trust him or look
after him. Roger went to live with his mother because he couldn’t go to his
father’s house anymore. Roger and I would often talk about whether he should
ever marry and he always said no. He would walk into a room and turn to me,
As we began dating, I became aware of his pain because I experienced it so
honestly. I realized just how much he needed to talk and feel loved. We had
been through so much since our parents’ divorce. He was an only child and had
been to foster homes. We had been estranged for a long time. My mother had
been abusive to him. He was a difficult child and would go into tantrums that
made me feel like I was losing my mind. He had become a recluse which was
very difficult to relate to.
Roger became my confidant and he was my friend. We would talk about our days
to each other at school, his struggles at school, his friends, my problems
with my parents, my father, and how to deal with the many insecurities. He
taught me about forgiveness and patience. He taught me so much and showed me
the things I was lacking in myself. He was truly a gift from God. After 9
months of dating and talking, I knew he was the man I would marry.
The ceremony took place in a little old church, but I didn’t know the story
behind it. I asked myself if I should wear a pretty dress, or a black dress,
or a very plain dress, and I decided to go with a dress I wore to the beach
with my mother. I remember I was nervous and nervous about the whole thing. As
it was being said, my hands were shaking. The priest said to me, “There is a
time in every man’s life where the soul opens, and the woman says ‘I do’ “. It
was such a big deal to me. I remember tears were running down my face.
He turned to me and said, “I did it. I came.” Roger had been in a car crash
that paralyzed his right arm. He was released from the hospital after six
months. After being released from the hospital, he was unable to hold a small
child. He was not able to work, or go to school because he was so disabled.
He still had physical therapy to help with his right arm after he was released
from the hospital. He needed help with dressing. Roger was able to dress, but
had difficulty putting on his jacket. He wore a white shirt and had long
black hair. He loved to laugh and had a great sense of humor.
Roger loved his family. He had many happy memories with his parents and he
was very close to his step-father. He could recall all of his birthdays and
I remember at one point during our courtship, Roger said, “We have to talk.”
He had been to an AA meeting and had found it very interesting. I told him
about our courtship. We were both attending the AA meetings and talking at
each other’s homes. We shared our mutual goals and what it meant to us to
be involved in an abstinence program.
I remember that I thought maybe we should get married and he encouraged me,
telling me how important it was to him. He was very proud of himself for
being able to come to his father and ask for money without him turning on
him. I shared with him my fears and anxieties, wondering if he would be my
husband and I could ever love again. He told me he needed to get his life in
order and make a good living before he could be a dad. Roger told me he has
always had a strong work ethic. He made a good living and made mistakes.
This was a good answer for a person who has never been able to work. I felt
really happy to hear Roger say to me, “I need to get my life in
order to have a wife.” That was one of the reasons that we did not start
Since we were in our courtship, Roger had lost the most important person in
his life, my father. I knew this was going to be a hard time for him.